


What Words Cannot Convey

by AtemuLadiore



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, Promise, Slight spoilers for the end of season 11 and some of season 12 but not much, songfict, there is grimmons if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-03 06:23:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1734317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtemuLadiore/pseuds/AtemuLadiore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caboose drags Tucker to a campfire in which Grif sings and memories are brought into play.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Words Cannot Convey

 

"Come on Tucker, we're going to a campfire!" Caboose calls out childishly over his shoulder, barely sparring another glance in my direction. I honestly wonder how he can stay so optimistic; but, then again, no matter the reason, I probably still wouldn't understand. I shrug it off and up my pace, knowing that he would get upset if I didn't hurry. Truth be told, I'd rather not be heading to a campfire with Caboose, but this one seems to be 'so important it will blow you mind!' according to said taller blue.

He says that every time, proclaiming that every campfire we go to will make me feel better. I struggle to find words, that aren't littered with anger, to explain to him that no, nothing is going to make me feel better. If anything, the campfires always make me more annoyed because really, who wants to spend an hour talking about nonsense when we could be working on a new plan to save Washington and the others?

Once we round the corner I see Grif sitting in front of everybody, guitar in his lap and chatting up a storm. Simmons seems to keep interrupting him, snide remarks and quick retorts to false accusations. Our teams and lieutenants are scattered about in front of them, some listening and others talking among themselves. Though what catches my eye is Felix and Kimball sitting in the group as well. I cock an eyebrow and turn to stare at Caboose in question only to find he'd run off to join his lieutenant Smith in the group. With a roll of my eyes, I give a sigh and move to join the other pajama-clad soldiers.

As I take a seat next to Palomo, I notice everyone's gone silent. All eyes practically fly to me, silent questions being asked immediately. I shake my head, "I know I'm hot and all, but do you really have to stare?" It's the first joke I've made since coming here to New Republic, and the surprise on the reds and Caboose's face is enough to make me want to vomit. The atmosphere feels unbearable and I go to stand up when suddenly, one of Simmons' girls calls out.

"Thith ith the firth time theeing you without armor on, Captain Tucker!" I don't know which astounds me more, the fact that _that's_ what she had to say, or that suddenly everyone was cheering. Well, it broke the tension immensely. I offer for a slight smile, and for the first time since losing a certain idiot, I let out a laugh. "Because I don't want any of my men losing focus during battle because of my good looks." I give a wink at Kimball and Felix and it seriously brings me joy to see Felix shaking his head and hiding in Kimball’s shoulder. More laughter comes from the soldiers, but the loudest laugh I hear is coming from Caboose.

"Alright, you stupid fuck, we're here to have all attention on me, come back next week for your turn!" Grif calls from the front of our circle and all eyes return to him, laughter dying out slowly. I lean back in my seat and scan my eyes over Grif, watching as he shooed Simmons away from him and grew situated.

"I'm not really one to give a fuck, or even try any efforts to give a fuck; however," the Hawaiian starts, "due to certain circumstances, I've noticed that some of my fellow men-" a pause, "-and women, have not been having a great week." I nod and watch as some people mutter in agreement.

"As stupid and cliché it sounds, I've decided to attempt to fix that because, let’s be honest, it fuckin' sucks when the whole army is upset." The look in his eyes is so sincere that I start to question if that's really Grif up there. He is looking at all of us, not just one or two of us, and I think that is why some many people are actually listening to his lazy voice.

"As you all can see, I've got my guitar with me and I fully intend to play you all a song," he pauses to allow some of the younger soldiers to clap and cheer and all that nonsense. I blow out a laugh and only chuckle when I see Caboose jump in his seat next to Simmons.

"It's a song I once heard back when I was growing up, one full of so much emotion. Now, I seriously hate chick-flicks and sappy shit, but when I thought of this song, I figured that some of you would like it; hell, some might relate to it. That's about as romantic I get, so don't be expecting anything more," he's slightly flustered as he explains this to the crowd, and it gets a few laughs from some of us.  
"You can take it as memories, heartbreak, love, or whatever. It really doesn't matter to me. All I care is whether you people like it or not," he finishes and lifts the guitar up right, placing his fingers in the correct position and strums a few chords as a test run.

Once content with the melody, Grif let out a long breath and looked out upon the crowd. He gave the goofiest smile he could muster before turning serious and singing naturally,

 

_"I breathe you in with smoke in the backyard lights,_  
 _we used to laugh until we choked into the wasted nights._  
 _It was the best time of my life, but now I sleep alone,_  
 _So don't, don't, don't wake me up, 'cause my thrill is gone. "_

 

It's a calm tune as it begins, but I can feel the buildup clearly. A smile graces my lips as Palomo seems to hum next to me. He's obviously heard this song before. However, my smile falls when I hear the third stanza and watch the pain cross Grif's eyes. He's looking at me, but not in the kind of way a lover would; no, he's looking at me with sympathy. I tilt my head in mock-confusion and mouth him a silent 'what?' but he just shakes his head and continues singing.

 

_"Say I'm wrong,_  
 _and the sunset turning red behind the smoke,_  
 _forever and alone._  
 _Yeah!"_

 

It's almost like he's trying to get a message across to me, but I'm just getting more confused, why does he keep looking at me? He looks at me right as he says the word, 'alone' and it finally dawns on me. _Oh_.

He kept looking at me because he was referring to me about a certain ex-freelancer. I shake my head and look down, ignoring Palomo glancing at me in question; I knew I shouldn't have told Grif about Washington’s and I’s relationship. A hand lightly touches my shoulder, I know its Palomo but I shrug him off. I let out a sigh and look back at the orange soldier.

He was either A, doing this to attempt at making me feel better, or B, to piss me off. Most likely he was trying to do both. He's not looking at me, instead his eyes are fixed on his fingers, smiling as starts to sing the next verse. Leaning my head backwards, I close my eyes and lose myself in the music.

 

_"You've gone and sewn me to this bed, the taste of you and me_  
 _will never leave my lips again under the blinding rain._  
 _I wanna hold your hand so tight I'm gonna break my wrist,_  
 _and when the vultures sing tonight I'm gonna join right in."_

 

_"We haven't even been here a day and it’s raining," I complained, standing at the edge of the entrance. Caboose was sleeping in his newly acquired room, if you could call it that, and Washington was just returning from Red Base. Instead of entering, he just stared at me, shaking his head in distaste._  
 _"Care to comment on my sexiness, Wash?" I teased, sticking my tongue out at him. It was clear even with his helmet on that he was rolling his eyes._

_"You complain about every little thing, don't you?" he inquires, evidently annoyed as he refers to my previous comment about the rain. I shrug it off and watch as he takes his helmet off, setting it on the ground so he could rub his temples._  
 _"Headache, want me to get all domestic and rub it for ya," I say, "or would you rather me rub somewhere else. Bow chicka bow wow." the look Washington gave me was filled with murder and although it was dark, I knew he was blushing._

_"Private Tucker, can you not do this right now? I just want to go to sleep." I grinned,  
"Wanna sleep with me?"the look he gave me was worth every second of it. Before he could walk away, I grabbed his wrists and stared him straight in the eye. "Not joking, Wash, it's a legitimate question." With a growl, because that was not a human noise, I honestly didn't expect the warm kiss placed on my lips. It lasted almost too quickly and when he pulled away, he pushed me out of the entrance and into the rain. That's how it all started._

 

_"I'll sing along, oh_  
 _'Cause I don't know any other song._  
 _I'll sing along,_  
 _but I'm barely hanging on."_

 

I chuckle darkly, eyes still closed. "You okay, sir?" Palomo inquires next to me. I just nod, not bothering to make some snide remark on how he gets on my nerves.

"We can talk about it, if you want?" This caught my attention. I open my eyes and glance at him.  
"Talk about what, private?" I'm more confused, but I probably come off as annoyed, as he flinches away from me slightly.

"You just look so lost in thought when you closed your eyes, you held a fond smile, but it was a sad fond smile, if that makes any sense," he begins, turning slightly so he could look at me more clearly. "Whenever my mother would look at my dad’s grave, she'd get the same smile you just had; as if she were remembering some memories or something that revolved around him." He rubbed his hair, averting his eyes.

"Just figured that maybe you were thinking about something sad." I nod softly, eyes slowly moving towards Grif again. He was smiling and singing in Simmons' direction, making the red look away and pretend to start a conversation with Caboose, who was just listening to Grif's voice.

 

_" No, I'm barely hanging on._  
 _By the time you're hearing this I'll already be gone,_  
 _and now there's nothing to do but scream at the drunken moon."_

 

"In a way, you could say I was," I say softly in reply, closing my eyes once more and letting out a content sigh. If Wash were here, he'd probably say the same thing, only with more force and less kindness. I chuckled at the thought, if only he were here right now. He'd like it here, I mused to myself.  
But once again, that was just a matter of if.

Grif waited for a few beats and then opens his mouth to sing again.

 

_"This isn't fair!_  
 _Don't you try to blame this on me._  
 _My love for you was bulletproof but you're the one who shot me."_

 

_"Wash, come on!" I screamed, standing there at the cave entrance. I was frantic and breathing hard, waiting with a sped-up heart, but Washington didn't move. He stood there, staring at me for a moment and then glancing at the dying soldiers all around him. His eyes landed on me one last time, and if he'd had his helmet off, I think I would have been able to see the pain in his eyes as he spoke the next phrase._

_"Freckles," he breathed in, turning and looking directly at the enemy. My heart leap out of my body and I raised an arm, making to move forward._  
 _"Shake," Wash finished and just like that, it all happened in a flash. The robot acknowledged him and did as told. The rocks caved in around me and I was just barely pulled out before the cave entrance collapsed._

_"Washington!" I cried out, struggling in Felix's hold and grabbing towards the entrance. The smell of gravel was strong and my head throbbed like hell, but I just wanted to get to Wash. And before I knew it, my vision was fading._

 

_"And god damn it, I can barely say your name,_  
 _so I'll try to write it and fill the pen with blood from the sink._  
 _Whoa oh."_

 

_"You alright, Tucker?" Caboose asked me about three days after release from the infirmary. I nodded but said nothing and tried to push past him. He seemed reluctant to let me pass, but after I gave a quite obvious, and embarrassing, sniffle his mood changed entirely. He pulled me into a harsh hug and I barely held back a sob, but I pushed it away._

_Once he'd pulled away, Caboose had instructed me to go back to my room, saying that he'd tell the others. Tell them what, I wasn't sure but for the first time in working with him, I actually obeyed and continued to my room._

_I practically slammed my door shut as I tore off my armor, preparing myself for a private shower. If there was anything I learned about working at Blood Gulch, it was that showers were the best at hiding everything. As I closed my bathroom door, I looked in the mirror and stared at my crying face. I boast on and on about how hot I am, but even I admit that I am one ugly crier. Before I can bang my head on the counter, I notice that my forehead is bleeding, one of my stitches had opened up. I didn't care, but I knew that I should probably clean it up._

_Turning on the faucet, I'd stepped into the shower and the first thing I did was sink to my knees. I leaned down, stretching my back as far as it could have gone, and let out the loudest sob I could muster. All I could think about was him, his last words, his voice when he spoke, just **him**.  
"You fucking idiot, W-" I hadn't been able to say his name as I felt the blood-tainted water race towards the drain._

_I fell asleep in the shower that night; I know this because Caboose woke me up by banging on the door frantically._

 

_"But don't just say it, you should sing my name._  
 _Pretend that it's a song 'cause forever it's yours,_  
 _and we can sing this on the way home."_

 

I had to stop thinking about all of this, or else I was going to break down and cry in front of everyone. Palomo was already giving me strange looks and the last thing I wanted was a laughing Felix and a mocking Grif; worst kind of double-team trouble.

_"Private Lavernius Tucker," Wash warned me as he watched me walking towards him. I like when he said my name like that with empathizes, makes him seem powerful. I let out a chuckle, playing it off correctly. "My name just rolls right off your tongue doesn't it?" I as happily, I don't need to see his face to notice the glare and deadly blush spreading over his features._

But what could I do when he was literally all I could think about right now? As the tears started to fall from my face, I felt my lieutenant grab my shoulder gently.

  
 _"I'll sing along, oh_  
 _'Cause I don't know any other song._  
 _I'll sing along,_  
 _but I'm barely hanging on."_

 

Grif continued, obviously nearing the end of the song.

_""What about everyone else, where's Sarge? Where's Wash?" I asked as I sat up in my bed, looking around the room. Albeit I already knew the answer, I couldn't stop the hope from showing in my voice as I inquired Felix. When he shook his head, I felt my heart break._

I shook off Palomo's hand and shook my head. "I cannot fucking believe this." I muttered to myself. Grif, the one Red who would never do something nice for someone else because it took much work, was making me cry with a fucking song. That's it, I tell myself. Tomorrow when we start training, I am going to make sure he goes through hell as payback. 

"Sir?" Palomo asks for the second time that night, this time I just look at him and offer a smile. I'm crying and I probably look like hell by now, but smiling through the pain was what got me to where I am now anyway.   
"I'm fine, just need some sleep," I say, standing up and avoiding making eye-contact with anyone.

 

_"No, I'm barely hanging on._  
 _By the time you're hearing this I'll already be gone,_  
 _now there's nothing to do but tear my voice apart._  
 _Nothing to do,_  
 _and scream at the drunken moon."_

 

As Grif's voice fades behind me, I can't help but wonder why I allowed Caboose to drag me along to this campfire. I faked sickness last week, and the week before I flat out told him to fuck off; why did I say yes to this one? Whatever the reason it didn't matter, I reasoned.

It wasn't until I reached my room did I realize how hard the song hit me. Without opening the door, I leaned against it with eyes shut and let out a whimper. With my fist barely punching the wall, I felt my face contort with anguish as I wailed in place. If anyone were around me at the moment, they wouldn't know what to do because I couldn't even form a coherent sound.

_I just want to get Washington back._

**Author's Note:**

> Half-assed angst for the win.  
> Ugh, I s2g if Tucker got out of character towards the end, sorries.  
> Song is by PTV.


End file.
